Tomorrow is my endocrinologist appointment. The last few weeks have been so hectic that I have had barely enough time to think. I certainly did not take care of diabetes appropriately. Not that a couple of weeks will save my A1C as it is over a “prolonged period time” and not just the last few weeks. One can hope though. I’m just hoping that my A1C is lower than 9.1 at the moment.
Who has time for diabetes anyway? I started this blog because I like to write, and I thought that I could help others and remind myself of what I needed to do. I haven’t posted since the 27th and my sugar has been sweeter I would generally like. Monday through Thursday I start at 6:00 AM and don’t quit until well after 10:30 PM. Friday through Sunday is make up for the family business I missed during the week. Mostly checking our budget to see how badly we have messed it up or making the menu for the week so that we can get a shopping list together. This week I had the added joy of trying to consolidate my student loans. After tallying up the totals, I realized that my accumulative student loan monthly payment was going to be over 1,400 dollars a month. Going to be? It was due October 1st. I can’t really afford that so consolidation attempt it is.
And back to my initial point, who has time for diabetes? Tomorrow is going to be difficult to focus. The ADHD excuse? Now? I am so worried about this A1C. It is so frustrating. In order to keep myself healthy, I have to slow down and focus more on myself. I feel like I can’t slow down, because I have so much work to do and I have to get it finished. Yet, if I don’t slow down, I could win some diabetic complications… If you haven’t already. And not be able to complete my work at all. Who would that help? How do I force myself to change? I wake up in the morning, thinking, “Today I will be a better version of me.” Only to go to bed at night and realized that I failed again. And who I am failing? Just myself? No. Not really. If I were to have major nerve damage or paralysis, my family would be forced to take care of me. My co-workers would be forced to pick up my slack. I know I don’t do anyone any good sick, but if I don’t keep up, I feel like a failure. I want to be a good father, a good husband, a good friend, a good worker, but in order to be successful at any of those things in the long run, I have to be a good diabetic first.
I’m not the only one. I know I’m not. And it is not only diabetes, but for me, diabetes is the thorn in my side. Tomorrow, I plan on asking about starting on the pump and a CGM. I’m not sure I can afford either or that my insurance will cover either. I figured if I can at least get my hands on a CGM then an alarm letting me know that my sugar is up or down is better than me remembering hours later.
Anyway, cross your fingers for me. Tomorrow is my A1C and maybe my plan for making things better in the futu